Beneath God 2007-06-30

I just went to church with Shin where my best friend Zhu was joining the choir for the first day of every month. It was so great that they were singning two Hymns in total which made me feel that I was living beneath dear God. After that, we learned a lot of things following the evangelist about bible story, which was so touched to me. I love attending this kind of service, since by doing this I could be so near and close to dear God, who could get me and whom I could know what he really expected. However, it was sorta shame that this service might be my last chance being there in Xiamen. Before leaving, I came up to our pastor to tell him how much I was gonna miss this beautiful and peaceful and lovely place where everything and even everyone had ever pacified my heart. Tears finally could not be controlled. Without any word, I hugged with my dear Zhu so tight. We all knew how would be going on later. We were saying nothing, instead of keeping in our heart. Just like what the priest said, under God’s love, we would never say goodbye! Amen!

Test of lifetime 2007-06-29

My dear Leon began to be more and busier these days and so did I, because some responses from overseas universities were coming one by one. We were so excited as if the bright of hope was totally re-lighted up. Every morning we were so looking forward to hear anything from them whatever good or bad, but nothing happened. We were frustrated and even kinda no confidence anymore. And then, I was getting endlessly decadent. Doing nothing seemed to become all in my life. Even sometimes I hated watching Leon being busy with his totally hopeless works. Did it make sense to you? That was the regular question I used to ask to him. I knew I was a terrible person at that time. Even I began to scare of my perverted behavior.

Human beings are indeed dangerous and complicated animals. Maybe we were completely confused what the hell we wanted at the very start of the life. Someone chose one lifestyle wallowing in the bottom of this society while someone, instead, risked his or her life to aim at and catch up with others who have stood in the so highlevel social status. I usually tried to ask myself who was living more tired? Which group in this world was living more easily as making much less money? Even, what way to living did I have to pick to make me and even my entire family happy? Here, please be careful on the words I used’ have to’, rather than’ want to’. Why did I write this? Life is not as easy as we suppose to be. Life is much less the tool or the purpose that we do what we want to do only while giving up what we don’t want to. Life is the test we have to try endlessly until we get to know what is best for us. Life is why we have to spend our entire life to be with.

Waiting God to save me 2007-06-28

Here is my huge confession, for my God, for my Leon. Dear you! Please forgive me doing something way too evil for you. Even I had totally no idea why I did this to you! I have ever betrayed my heart and rule to make me feel better provisionally. However I felt totally bad and evil instead. This was not what I supposed to do. You know I do LOVE you even much more than I do myself. I am completely not as villainous as Pele who is a personification of wickedness and ungodliness alluded to in the Old and New Testaments. God, please wash my body and heart to help me shake off the deserved punishments. I couldn’t get through it by my own. Ever I couldn’t find who I am anymore. God, would you help me?

Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts
thereof.--Romans 6:12
For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ
our Lord.--Romans 6:23

The precious gifts and friendship 2007-06-27

I have never thought things could be happening in this way. Leon and I were way too excited when we were asked to play poker with Grape and my dear Shin.

Things were here; after having a dinner yesterday, we decided to go to lab because Leon wanted to check his mailbox and see some papers involved in certain bioprojects. We supposed to stay here until 11 o’ clock before going back to dorm to have fun with those guys, but our plan was ruined in advanced that they called us that please came back soon because there were three players looking for one more player, and we must be included. And then we allowed it to rush to the dorm. Seeing them playing cards so happy and dedicated, we knew actually there is no one needed to join them at all. They made fun with us. Suddenly I became kinda annoying. Why did they do that to us? Being too angry, we decided to go sleep to leave them alone. I slammed the door strongly and angrily, because I didn’t like being joked like they did. It was not funny at all. Slamming the door strongly and angrily, I heard someone knocked the door; soon I became way too cranky. What the hell were they doing?!!!! At this time, Chenchenzhu showed up in front of us with her mysterious smiles:’ this is for you guys from your best friends!’ she passed me a package. Opening it, there were two T-shirts on which the doodles were designed by Shin and there were friend’s name printed all round them.

Oh, my God. What a gift. I didn’t know what to say at that moment but the touching and excitement instead. How precious they have been, because they GOT to be so worthy to be kept in our heart forever. I LOVE them, I LOVE you guys way too much. Thanks such your present. They are so special for us!

A great true story in Xiamen 2007-06-26

Xiamen is a so blue-sky day today, which was brushed up by an infrequent sunny-rain. It is so beautiful either in this weather or in my mood, because these days I got some good news one by one which made me so excited. Timex finally married his lovely girl yesterday after mixing up each other for almost 7 years. I was so happy for this sweet couple. Congratulations you guys! May your life happy and sweet forever!

Another, I met my classmate Liyue in Xiamen yesterday, and he was invited to have a wonderful lunch with me and my Leon. I was so happy to meet him, as seeing him; there had no change on his good looking in my first sight except getting sorta bigger. Chatting in the lunch, I found he is still he was, even not changed at all. He is a funny guy with his easy-talking, sense of humor and even wonderfully weird gestures. I love this guy maybe we have so many things in common, like on the passion of art and life. He said no one could ever be deserved to admire apart from his best friend who ever abandoned him to the severe drugs and finally secreted the forest by his own for his brutal drug withdrawal. Eventually he successfully got through it and went back to his friends with his entirely new-brand appearance. He is the most successful person in our mind, even compared with those people who had achieved their social status and rights in this world. I learned a lot from this true story and was deeply touched by it. Frankly speaking, this guy is the greatest people I have ever heard.

Walking out of the restaurant, Liyue mentioned me how the Dabing has been. Of course my answer was always same; he is good, and still funny. And at that moment Li and I got together to design a perfect small trick for fun with him. I am so looking forward to watch how it would be in Beijing.

Shining day with shining mood 2007-06-25

I often wonder what friendship is. Friendship is too big a topic to talk about either specifically or generally. I guess most of us are still in a puzzling state about what friendship is, and I myself should be included. Maybe people who define friendship according to his own life experience will say that they have a good concept of friendship, which I think is too narrow to get an objective definition of it. But how hard it would be to talk about friendship without mixing personal feeling in it. And now, I might be kinda clear that meaning people were never catching up.

Today is shining day. My mood also turns to be so bright from darkness, because a best friend whom I care so much came to know how I felt yesterday, and even we could have had so many things and sensing in common. I love that feeling. I will treat a cute guy who was my classmate in primary school and who came to Xiamen for certain businesses later on. We haven’t been met each other for 13 years, since leaving our school. It would be so exciting that I would see him and know how he has been these years soon.

Delightedly speaking, I have totally already recovered from the severe illness. Sincerely thank those guys being patient to take care of me. God always loves me, and bless me. Of course, he also cares about all my friends! I love you all!

I feel awful 2007-06-24

Oh my God, I am feeling awful now, because I kinda have a terrible trouble with diarrhea, for three days, and I couldn’t take it anymore. Xiamen is so wet and hot. What a terrible day! Everyone hiding in the labs enjoyed the coolness the airconditional took from. However it was not that good for me. Staying in the cool house is far much less than doing in outdoor for me. Sweating might be the best way to lower heat down. So usually I do love being in the gym or the badminton court to take out from the huge stress and depression.

Plus, I will go back home on 2, July by train. This time we didn’t decided to be back by plane, because it is my last time being here with our friends. We just wanna share those sweet memories we both ever had here. I have no idea how to say good bye before leaving, even how to choose a better way to make them all happy as much as they might be. I felt terrible, either on physical or on mental.

Humanity loves richness 2007-06-23

There have been so many things happened around me these days, so that I didn’t think I could catch up with such the pace of this society. I just called dear dad to care how he has been these days, from which I got a very astounding new that one of his best friends was arrested in the prison as a result of certain economic crime. Oh, my God! How can I believe this? I came to know that uncle when I was so young. He has been great, smart and even perfect in my heart. It was so unbelievable! This is the horrible world, where no one has had such the mentality even including me frankly. Below is about the relatively economic crime, which has exactly elucidated why the economically criminal rate in the society has been so high and how to attack it. .

With the further development of the socialist market economy in our country, the damages caused by economic crimes to society are getting more and more serious. The pertinent criminal legislation is an important means and basis to attack economic crimes, but only those legislative activities led by scientific and realistic criminal policy can attack economic crimes effectively and maintain the steady operation of the system of socialist market economy at the same time.

For relaxation, by the way, my friends and I enjoyed a wonderful chamber music in Gu Landyu Island yesterday. This band was made up of three kinds of instrumental players, piano, cello, and violin, who came from Germany. Yesterday they performed two works of chamber music, Beethoven and Schumann. I was especially crazy about that style of piano player, exquisite and passionate. It was so enjoyable!

There is little, if any, you guys! 2007-06-22

Who am I? This question has been kept in my mind and drove me asking myself if I have always been good enough for my friends. Yesterday my mood was turned so bad from being happy in the blink of an eye by the conversation I talked with my classmates online. Before that, I believed I was treated as a very kind friend who was sweet, considerable and respected. Even now I was still doubtful whether there was something wrong with them rather than me. Formerly I loved being appreciated by friends to be a shining and even fighting girl, because I couldn’t be reconciled to take comparison between me and other girls, even though we were totally same. Till yesterday, as they were trying to remark me what exactly I was like that and as I were looking the screen sparkling a cluster of words, Sylvia is kinda self-important, I didn’t know what to say to talk them back.

Oh my god, I have never thought I could have given them such the impression! However it that my fault? This is not what I want. I wanna be totally equal to everyone, because I have been like you are, always. Nothing could ever plot us out and define us into completely different worlds. This is the point I am always holding. Am I what I was? If so, I hate it instead. What’s the matter with everything? What happen to you guys? What‘s problems Sylvia? Anyway, I have to say, there is little, if any, you guys!

At this moment in every year 2007-06-21

Leon was informed to attend his graduation ceremony in this afternoon. Congratulations for him. Funnily, I was also invited to do so although I am not from Xiamen University. Today is a sunny day, and the ceremony was arranged in the southern ground of the university, which was in front of the Xiamen Sea. As usual, students who wear gowns of master degree should be getting together and keeping the pictures of graduation as a sweet souvenir. It felt so good. The most precious moment is as someone would be packing for getting ready to leave this city; his or her friends would see him off to the train station. At the platform, they hug and bless to each other, even tell how much they don’t wanna say good bye. Every time as seeing this scene, I could totally not stop crying for such the friendship even I was not that brave to see it. It was so moving, for I am a passionate person who can’t take anyone leaving from me.

In addition, I haven’t been keeping piano playing for four days since I came here. Now I am sorta worried if I might lag behind that piano boy who lives my downstairs. I do wish I could have stayed home and practiced harder and harder now, because I don’t wanna lose any chances to improve myself getting huge progress on piano. It is my life as important as I am disable to live without people whom I love, because, to me, piano is my family.

Don’t be leaving from me 2007-06-20

Hehe created a group in QQ, where we have great talk with those friends who had ever joined the party days ago. That was so great, because I eventually kept in touch with so many friends we haven’t gotten these years. To be honest, I am so immersing in the sweet memories all the time, in which I found out a very important person whom I lost, and I couldn’t stop being excited since I met him in that party. It is more than true that I might never be reluctant to be extricated from such the sense of sweetness as being together.

People living in this world could have kinds of emotional attachment, like for love, love of friendship, love of families, and so forth, which could fill your whole life with colorful snippets of daily life. It would be so dim without any of them, at least to me. I don’t wanna lose anyone whom I care too much whoever she or he would be. In fact, It is not so much that I am so unwilling to miss those great guys, as that I am so loath to part with those sweet memories always keeping in my heart. Don’t be leaving from me you guys, I love you all!

We had fun yesterday 2007-06-19

Leon and I were invited by his professor to join a wonderful dinner with our lab mates yesterday. We had so much fun together; also we all got so drunk because we were so excited and kinda upset for the near departure from each other. Leon would be leaving his alma mater soon. He has been here for almost 7 years. There are so countless friends helping him and making him happy every day. And now, he would be going. I got to understand how much he doesn’t wanna leave here, and so do I. Although I just went to be here 7 times in late two years, everything even anyone in here gave me so deep impression and love, which meant too much to me.

At the dinner, we raised the cups to celebrate Leon and Seasealiu’s successful graduation, the good job Sea’d found, as well as our bright future. Otherwise the toast was for other lab mates who were still busy with their projects and papers and even worry about their future. Good luck to them. Be well everyone whom I love! God bless you guys!

6.18-in Xiamen 2007-06-18

It was so unfair! I supposed to give Leon a huge surprise yesterday, it turned out that I was shocked by him. Here was the thing: days ago, I told him to pick me up in Xiamen airdrome on 19 June. In fact, I would be arriving there 1day in advanced without any people picking me up there, because I wanted to give those friends a huge surprise. And then, I had been so exciting to get packing there days before I went to Xiamen. Yesterday, when I got here to take my luggage, there was no one picking me up, I was so exciting for my secretly wonderful trap.

Walking out of the airdrome and getting ready to get on a taxi, someone suddenly took my baggage and as if tired to help me relieve from the heavy. However I didn’t think this was a big favor; instead I kinda felt he intended to steal my belongings at that time. I became so nerves, because I have never dealt with this ‘emergency’ before. As trying to figure out what I was gonna do then, a familiar face showed in front of me, it was my Leon whom I was not supposing to pick me up. I was shocked and asked him how that possible was again and again. Without any words but just laughing, we kissed and hugged so tight, because we both clearly knew how much we were missing each other.

It was making sense to celebrate such a day, dragon boat festival our get-together day, our sweet day! God, I know he is you, who let us being together and being never apart from each other. I love you!

We were so great together 2007-06-16

Hi everybody, I was back from our so late party yesterday. It was way too great! Even I didn’t know how to express when seeing those good friends. Some of them were definitely changed so much and someone was unchanged at all. There were nearly 25 people attending this party. At the beginning I supposed that it was totally impossible that many of them would draw their business out to concern it. It turned out to be so surprising for me that I met such the great guys whom I didn’t suppose to meet with. Although I felt way too exhausted holding this wonderful party, it did was worthy to be held for me. I believe I am never forgetting yesterday forever. 6, June 2007 was the most important day in my life, because they are being in my pictures, always. By the way, yesterday was my best friend Ivy’s birthday. There is a so late happy-birthday toast for her. Ivy, I love you. Let us hold hands for our precious friendship!

Pictures would be on 2007-06-15

First of all, I am here to celebrate my favorite team Spurs who won the 2007 NBA finals champions. Congratulations! My Mr. Best! I am so proud of you guys!

I just went to a badminton court for doing exercise, in which I ran across a great coach who was playing with a badminton learner. Suddenly I was attracted by his trig moves. He was so great. And then I asked him to play with me for a while when he was free from his lessons. That was sorta a tried and exciting lesson I have never had before, from which I could have learned much more about how to make long high serves against the high-level return of services, and how to smash and drive exactly and powerfully. I believe I have made a huge progress from it and at the same time sincerely thank the coach being with me so patient and supportive.

Tomorrow would be my big day, because so many things were on my schedule. Piano playing is settled in the morning, which would never be changed whatever the much significant event. And picking Emerson up in the train station was arranged in the afternoon before I would show him around near where he will live in. Last but not least, I would take part in a huge party on time which was held by a bunch of good friends who have been growing up with me since kindergarten. I am so looking forward to be with them tomorrow because some of them might totally be hard for me to recognize. Now everybody be patient here, I would post pictures of us here tomorrow.

Where there is a will, there is a way 2007-06-14

As the saying goes, no progress simply means regression. This is totally right on everything especially on piano playing. I clearly remembered I used to play the Chopin Sonata very well and gained the No.1 in the final exam in university. Since went out from it, I haven’t been replaying it till now and it was totally leaved out of my mind. Today, as trying to practice as perfect as possible, I suddenly realized it was never gonna happen, at least in the short run. I was degenerative, thoroughly very much, for unlike doing other things, there kinda set a common rule that piano-playing needs players to be doing hard every day, and be patient enough, even if how easy this melody is. However I didn’t follow it. You know what, I has been sort of depressed because I was so scared that I might never be losing that great sense I have ever had when sitting in front of my dear Mr. Piano.

Yet, I believe nothing could stop me doing what I love to do in that I am never forgetting my motto: music is my whole life and piano is my deep soul. Still, as the saying goes, where there is a will, there is a way. Let me try it again. Meanwhile, I knee down to pray God could endow the confidence and power to me during my hardest period. I love you, amen!

All guys, I love you! 2007-06-13

In the following days I would totally be busy. Emerson just asked me to book a ticket for him from Beijing to Chengde and I got to a new that he would come to Beijing in the weekend. That was so excited. I am missing him so much, because we haven’t been seen each other since he graduated from Xiamen University last year. I am also missing his wife Emma. They are a so sweet couple who ever took me in front of God and moved me to be the God’s lovely son. We are best friends and I know we are never apart from each other, for God loves us and asks us being together forever. The day I would go to UK was finally determined on 17 Aug. That is to say I could stay here for just only couple of months. I don’t know why I am feeling a little depressed and complicated. There had ever been so many sweet memories keeping in my mind so that I have never felt time went so fast before. Now I am gonna leave. Luckily, there are still so many good friends around me and they decided to hold a huge farewell party for me on this Saturday night. That’s so sweet. How appreciated to thank them drawing the time out to be with me. I am so happy.

Generally good things come in pairs. Indeed, I could see my LEON in Xiamen soon. I think maybe only God and his Sylvia know how much I am missing him. Besides, there are a bunch of guys waiting me. It is so great. Everybody, now listen, I love you much more than do myself!

Come on! Sylvia! 2007-06-12

There is something wrong with the Wallop system. I couldn’t load into it. It is OK; I just wanna say I am so happy and even kinda tired. Why do I say that? Everything about the visa procedure was totally done with my last successful application of language training summer camp. When I was seeing my offer and coming to realize that I would soon be the one of Hull University, everything seemed to be in the end and also just a beginning. Suddenly I felt so great and easiest very much, perhaps from now on, I would face a fully new-brand life and meet so many friends there. Come on, Sylvia! You would be great, because your God is always around you. He got to know you are brave and independent. You do take care of yourself so well. And, you would always be Positive towards any difficulties you would experience. Come on! Sylvia!

Go back to origin 2007-06-11

I love tortoises very much not only because they have a very strong vitality but because by feeding them I come to know the deepest meaning of our life. You got to feel that it is kinda exaggerated, however it surely does. As the pace of our life has quickened fast and fast, it seemed that nobody would keep attention on their Life Quality. After all, survival has become the No.1 in people’s daily life while they were considering when, by their doing, they could live better in this world either for themselves or their families. Yet, how many people could clearly explain what exactly the happiness is? Even how many people could accurately figure out the little tiny difference between happiness and unhappiness with math? I think now I have to go back to that topic about money that could wonderfully provide people much enjoyment in life. It was not so much, in their opinion, that God could bless them healthy and safe, as that money could promise them passionate and enjoyable and then to keep their health and safety. ‘Don’t you think it is called gaining two advantages by a single move?’ someone ever asked me. Here, I dare that some people must be judging I am totally wrong, even they couldn’t accept it. Like years ago, I was sort of snookered by a tough question that a friend just mentioned unintentionally. She put forward to me that let me try to image how the life was gonna be thoroughly without any support like money. ‘Then let it go, just forget everything depressed and do your best to save you in your terrible trap, therefore, according to it, try to get money to aid you, but not too much, because the desire to this is totally infinite. The more you get, the more you want, isn’t it?’ answered me. Admittedly, material want holds the very important position in our life. But, that never means, personally, that money equals happiness. Here, I don’t envy those mammonists who have been controlled by what they were not supposed to do so, instead, I am so sorry for them. They are really poor people who have none but only money.

The way to live 2007-06-10

Tracy’ parents came to see us today and we were getting together to have lunch, from which I couldn’t believe the visa procedure to UK was so complicated. We have to be required to hand in kinds of materials and to probably wait the result as long as possible. It is sucks! When would the all process be totally done? I know I couldn’t give anything up especially at this moment which the final success would be fully in my hands few months later. However, I am so exhausted. To be honest I am usually much jealous of my friends whose achievement in their work has been enviable while doing my best to stiffly pursue my dream which might never be coming true. Everyone has their own way to survive and to lie their self-value in the society. Maybe I haven’t been correctly located where I am being in so far. But I believe someday I would find who I am, where I go and even how I live to further perfect myself.

By the way, I just got a surprise. It was huge. A good friend, who has been disappeared among us for almost 14 years, was totally shown in my phone. He could have promised me to draw out time to join our party next week. It is so exciting!

Nonstop excitement 2007-06-09

I have never thought someday I would be so excited in such the weather, because I would go to Xiamen to see my LEON, again! That is to say, I could wonderfully enjoy my life there. It would be the seventh time I go there in latest two years, and also the last time before going to UK. In fact, I have no idea why I am always eager to be there. It is not so much that he is there, as that I would never forget those sweet snippets being with my friends there. Xiamen was supposed to be my second home before. In other words, it has been second to none in my heart. I love walking by the seaside no matter how lonely I am. Here, sincerely thank my dear dad, I clearly know how inopportune I am to ask him offering me all charge for this trip again. My God understand my action and wish. I love you all!

In the life of hands 2007-06-07

Today was a hot day; I almost wanted to do nothing anymore, even just stay made me sweat again and again. But the much sweltering outside, the harder I was in piano playing, because with the near-ended of entrance examination for those students in senior 3 from high school today, I would fully be free for doing anything I want. A boy living downstairs is a great guy with excellent achievements in school and taking exams now, and thus I think I have no heart to bother him in the most important moment in his life. All I could do is to bless him going well.

Recently I have been practicing the etude No. 24 called The Sea, which is so hard for me, because my hands are not that big enough to cover those keys which supposed to be played. But I really love this work for the sake of the title. It is broad, caritative to take me in its deepest meaning of life. So I am bound to be so insistent in loving it at all!

Heal me in my world 2007-06-06

Where do I begin to declare how much guilty I am? I used to regard myself as a kind, sweet and even lovely girl, but I have fully been wrong. Instead, I am a terrible horrible person who can’t be doing anything by my own. When am I gonna be a real adult, making a real significant decision in front of a handicap, and being competent to make much more money to support my whole family? Today I am near 26 old, but talentless. Filling with tears seems to be a so regular and common phenomenon in daily life when facing something difficult or strange. What the matter with me? Who am I supposed to be? What am I gonna do? It is ok; there are no problems with me, totally. But I still feel guilty, which has been kept in my heart for so long time and as if never been saved from my body and even my soul. I hate money; I hate those people who use money with their dirty hands. Even exactly speaking, I hate living with a sick truth that I could not survive in this world without money at all, because that is not what I want. In such the society, people are as though dominative doing anything in the evil of money. No one could ever escape from it including those who were trying to do so. What a poor universe! Even if it have already existed, I believe there is still a small part of people who have never forgotten what exactly they were seeking for against such the secularity, like me!

What can you get from it 2007-06-05

I usually look over websites made from all over the world except those from our native, it is absolutely not because I am such the person who is not devotional to my motherland. Considering the current situation of forums launched by a small part of Chinese, I don’t think they are quite good for us especially for children to learn more we want efficiently. Even I have always not been understood why those websites or forums are creative. Are they just only for entertainment to those who are so exhausted from their work every day? If so, don’t we sense the way of having fun in a club, watching a so great movie in a theater is much better than we sit in front of the computer, looking around on the Internet, and typing the lifeless keyboard just for no reason like I am doing now? To be frank, I just wanna say I really like staring at my baby PC every day in that I am never judging it is not good for relaxation in spare time. But, there is an opinion, I have always been kept in my mind since I came to know how I could get more useful information in a a short cut when young, that you got to be more or less beneficial from what you were doing now whatever study or playing. Unkindly, there seems not have that much good resource from websites. Though they have, we have to be required to pay what we are looking for on Internet. Trying to ask them, does free of charge mean something of being absurd or valueless in certain websites? If so, I just wanna recommend a perfect one which is for free, where at least I could find what I exactly want.

Good news and bad news 2 2007-06-04

There was something new, and there was something shocked today. Let me first talk about the big new. I just called LEON, who said our sister has a cute big baby. That was so exciting for us, because we became the uncle and aunt from today on, which made me totally understand that in fact, in this world, somebody was gone while someone was just coming in and beginning to enjoy how colorful his life is gonna be. It is so sweet isn’t it?

These days I have usually been shocked by something I have never thought before, like Susan. When I asked her what her thing was going on, the answer was completely out of my mind. She could not have decided to go to there anymore. Oh my God, how was that possible? I clearly remembered we had planned to buy something for getting ready to go beyond from our country. And now things have totally changed. However with our conversation online, I thought Susan was right, she did made a right decision for her future life. I am so supportive for her.

Good news and bad news 2007-06-03

I can’t take it anymore when playing piano, because now it was completely out of tune, which misleaded me and made me hear what I played. It was sick! Even I don’t think it is music at all.

And the worst, today I took the whole day playing with my dear computer. It was so bad! I have installed the system just in one day, and twice! But there are still so many problems I have not solved so far. It made me crazy! Such the baby is totally hard to be well contorlled by human being!

Luckily, there is good news for me. By my great and hard working, I eventually found out a person I had been seeking before. With the IE, I saw what he looks like now, and what he does at present. He has been so great in playing flute in my mind, always, since I came to know him in junior high school. At that time we were in the same symphony orchestra, where we ever practiced numbers of famous music and took part in so many performances together. Anyway, we had great time ever! And today, I can’t believe we could talk here and enjoyed the past we were so hard to take the rehearsal for what we were looking for. He is my good friend! I am so excited about it. Another is that my LEON has finished his oral defense today, which finally and successfully ended his MD life with such the achievement. I am so proud of him. Congratulations you!

Happiness is always around me 2007-06-02 8:07

I just came back from the wonderful party. It was so great, because I met so many friends whom I have not been met for almost 15 years since graduation from primary school. We were singing, talking and laughing about the past that we were so sweet together for study and life at that time. Now, everyone was almost getting changed either on looking or on personality so that I could totally not make out them at the first sight. Also, I was so happy for them having their Mr. /Mrs. Right and sweet life. How great the party was!

When I came back, numbers of gifts have shown me up. Thanks mom for taking me such the presents which is so gorgeous and important for me, especially that Latin Cross. I even couldn’t express how grateful I am to always be loved by God wherever I go. All is so moved and around me forever.

Plus, tomorrow my Leon is gonna have his oral defense. May dear God bless him going well.

Happy Children’s day 2007-06-01 9:10

Today is my big day. Maybe it is not for some people, but definitely my opinion. Sylvia, happy Children’s day. Just like what I said before, I might never feel and take the truth of getting older and older year by year. On the impulse of the moment, I took some pictures which were my new design today for celebrating my big day. Plus, mom will get back from Rome; she gave me a call yesterday that she has brought many gifts for me and my Leon. That’s so sweet; I have been looking forward her coming.

In anxiety 2007-05-31 7:00

I found I have been gotten no huge progress on piano-playing so far, even a little, which had me so worried about my following study in UK few months later. I just performed some pieces of melodies which I used to do very well, but it seemed that fingers flowing on the keyboard were not that much flexible than before. Even though I have still been insisting on practicing every day, it didn’t work out at all. Is it because fingers are getting aged either while I am growing old? What am I gonna do next? I am so in anxiety…

I' m still what I was 2007-05-30 1:29

Considering how to write this blog to correctly represent how I felt these days, I began to felicitate myself to be the luckiest person in the world. Why did I say that, I’ve no idea, perhaps because I have been passionate to do anything I want since graduation from college and never been tied by anybody contrasted with others in the same age. Taking part in parties friends held every time, I was always interested in observing who was changed, who was getting more mature, who was being marriage, even who had have babies, which, reminded me that I was totally not changed these years. You know what, I don’t mind you regard me as a never-growing-old, instead, I am so proud of being called a little girl, or a cute buddy, only thus could give me huge confidence towards everything difficult. That is to say, I might never take a ruthless truth that I will have to grow old till die someday.

Just like that day, I met Tianzi chatting with her BF in msn. And then she said me her BF called me little pure (literally speaking) when he saw my picture I was shot in Xidan. Can you believe that? I was so happy at that moment, and quickly searching that photo he appreciated it. Oh, yes, no one ever told me that I have not been changed for almost ten years since graduated from high school, always wearing that sport shirts and sneakers, taking an inappropriate big schoolbag, shuttling in the crowd like the wind, and unconcerning the personal appearance at all. Maybe those all will be totally wrong when I will be in work. But I believe just like what Tian said, how sweet it will be whenever you begin to recall your past and your teenage which was the lovely, funny and even gone- forever days, and how regretful you have not cherished it when you are given coffee-brake time, from the stupid work you are totally complaining for, to memorize your those sweet funny things. Those will never come back, so I am indeed unwilling to admit I am growing up day by day. I am still what I was, till the end of the life.

Got a new camera!!!!!!!!!! 2007-05-29 15:56

Today I got a brand-new camera!! I am so excited! Can you believe that? As I was hesitating to tell dad I wanted to buy a new camera yesterday, he asked me if I would get a new one in need in UK. At that time I was totally shocked what he just said so that I couldn't stop laughing for almost whole night. What telepathy!! Even the most amazingly, he could have bought me a credit card from working in the morning, because he always knows my temper that I do anything as soon as possible if I have decided to. But I have never anticipated he did that for me today, that was so sweet! Thanks dad, I love you! Packing the bag, I rushed to the shopping mall to buy it I have always been thirsting for. I love it! I love having it forever. And I just wanna say, I love my all dears who always give me surprise and make me pleased as much as I want.

Plus, thanks God for giving me such the gift, for giving me such the parents, for giving me such the LEON, for giving me such the life, for giving me such the Sylvia! Serving my whole heart for you God, with my love!

Got heat stroke, I feel awful! 2007-05-28 15:14

I hate Beijing’s summer day, hot and dry and even so easy to get the internal heat that makes me way too uncomfortable. Since yesterday I have been awful, failing to fall in sleep overnight and to stop sneezing. I might get heat stroke. What a day! I am afraid I couldn’t stand it anymore. How much I am eager to fly to Xiamen soon, where I could walk by seaside as much as I want, breathing fresh air and enjoying great seafood. And how much I am missing those best friends there! Mom ever joked with me that she was doubtful where I was born, Beijing or Xiamen, because I have never been so terrible here before like this. Except of sleeping, everything seemed to lose its self for me to be so hard to devote energies on it. This world is supposed to be colorful, but now it as if doesn’t. Apart from tomorrow we would be interesting to wait and never anticipate what is going on next, things look totally have not the meaning of their existence. Oh my God, what a horrible and evil thought, isn’t it? What’s the matter with me? Is it only because of this detesting weather, which couldn’t stop me eternally, complaining? It really makes me sick!!

Because of his birth, you will be happy! 2007-05-27 20:40

I had a great time with Tianzi today. No words was said when we met each other in Starbuck, because it was a so familiar feeling which could make us go back to that happy life in high school quickly. She is what she was pretty much, smart and lovely, even little scene of maturity showed on her face rather than that of infantility few years ago. We haven’t been met each other for like several months since we had a party in Party life last time. However, there was a totally huge change on her personality. She became so easy to get angry when faced something, even sometimes couldn’t well control herself. I asked her why, even she didn’t know. She said maybe only because her stupid job, current terrible situation, and that wish she has always been thinking about it, in which she and her hubby could go everywhere for their honeymoon, and they was gonna plan what their wedding and even following life would look like. That is her, who is always a dreamer. Also, I believe all her sweet wishes would definitely come true someday. To be honest, I love being with her because I am usually ‘attracted’ by her sense of effeminacy but totally not frailty. And now, I wanna say, being her friend, everything is not as hard as we think if only you could have tried it and bravely have gotten through it. I have to admit life has been hard to strive it for until we have finally achieved what exactly we want. And I believe you have felt that in the totally same way. Perhaps this is the way we live given by God, who has his own reason, and has his intention to make everyone happy.

Plus, today is Nancy’s birthday, happy you dear! May your wishes is gonna be true! He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth.—Luke 1: 14

My first 'fatal accident' 2007-05-26 20:08

FM and I went to meet our old brother today. We have not been seen him for like a whole year, and I am afraid there will be less much times to see him before gonna UK. As I drove in the way, there was something happened I have never expected before. Filling the tank to my car in a petrol station, a staff smelled a terrible scent from car’s back wheels. Confusedly, I got off the car to see what was happening. It was so dangerous! I could have forgotten to put the handbrake down during the driving, which resulted to the serious abrasion on the brake pads. Oh my God, when I knew it, I suddenly felt so nerves and scared. What have I done? How could I make such the joke with my life? I was way too stupid!

When met my brother, I told him this breathtaking experience, and asked him to check the brake system in the round. Fortunately, there was no problem with it. Oh, thanks God! You know what, I have been thinking, on the way home, that but for your blessing, I could totally not have gotten away from this fatal accident. God, now, you even don’t know how much I am appreciating you!

God, please listen to me! 2007-05-24 18:49

At this moment, I believe it is the right time to tell God how much upset I am after getting two bad news in the same day.

Dear God the Father Almighty, I know you could clearly see what happened these days. Do you know how lucky I always am to be loved beneath you? But why do you either make other people who I love happy? I totally dare to say they mean so much in my life, and I would never see them confused and depressed for anything. I want them happy as much as I am. Now here,Maomao, I am so sorry to hear about your voicelose, believe me, God got to save you from the horrible hell. You will have a bright future, absolutely! We are all here to pray for you. Susan, if everyone in this world could not understand you, I will, forever, because I know you are what you were. Everything is definitely under your control. You are so great and sweet, which has been in God’s love. Losing is just temporary and so easy to get through. You are the person whom God loves forever. Can you hear that,’ Susan, you are not gonna miss anything you wish!’ said God. Leon, I am not sure if it is a good or bad news for you. Just like you said here, making a right decision and choosing a right major are both important to you. No matter how much perfect the possibility will be, it is not fit for you, it’ll never be perfect for you at all. Don’t be sad for it, because it totally is not deserved. You could do better if you want to do.

Things has totally changed 2007-05-23 23:13

It’s so incredible. Why is God always kidding me? But I do love that joke, because I even don’t know how to express my sincere appreciation to my dear Lord. He has paved us a road to happiness, even it was said that he has given us a huge precious gift for our future. I am not so sure everybody could get my real meaning of why to say that. Here is deal, as I am getting prepared for my visa procedure for Netherland; Laura gave me a ring that I was admitted to enter a great university for Master from England. Can you believe that? Going there has been my dream all the times, but owing to my little poor achievement, I have not that enough confidence to apply that university. That’s really a huge surprise for me. Now things have totally changed, I don’t think I am shame at all, instead, I am so proud of myself, and so does Leon. From tomorrow on, I will draw much more time to do another business from the Holland-involved stuff. Till now I am so realized sometimes fate couldn’t completely be controlled by you, instead, you might fully be under its mercy.

Tomorrow is another day 2007-05-20 23:56

Tomorrow is totally another day for me, because I have already finished every step for application stuff. Now I feel so great, what I can do only is to wait the visa procedure. That means I’ll do something different tomorrow, do something I want to do from now on, like seeing my teachers who had ever given me the most precious and important experience and skills on piano practice, like meeting my best friends who had ever helped me a lot in my life, like visiting so many places where I had never gone there before, like purchasing a pile of stuff which might be so necessary when in Holland. Today I asked dad to play badminton with me, on my own initiative, actually I didn’t know why I did this, because I was so exhausted today and supposed to do nothing anymore. However, when I saw my father’s face, he is always sweet. How will my life be if I just do anything by myself in a totally strange country? How much am I gonna miss him if we’ll in the fully different place? And now I start missing my two cute moms and two sweet dads until forever.

Today is shopping day, twice!!! 2007-05-19 19:22

Today was my big shopping day. Why did I say that? First of all, I have never brought something whatever I love just like I did today. It was so cool, two cute Winnie the Pooh bags and two black Converse T-shirts, all of which were my favorite style. Second of all, I had twice shopping in a day. As I just came back home from Xidan, my father asked me to be with him to go for shopping again, because he wanted to buy trousers and he was not so sure what style would be great for him. We took the much less time on trying on, making a final decision what exactly we wanted and purchasing so quickly. Going downstairs, I suddenly thought I supposed to buy a new waist belt, and I totally forgot when I was in Xidan. Then we went back upstairs and found out the famous cloth shop Jack Jones which has been a popular logo among young people whatever girls or boys. Eventually I chose a relatively traditional one, which indeed was so match for my jeans.

Plus, I couldn’t figure how I felt, exciting or upset. I think both were right, because it was so exciting for me that Spurs used their all talent and guile to put Suns away today, and successfully got into the semifinals. Well done!!!!!!!! Also, I felt kinda upset because I knew My Leon would be unhappy when hearing this new. I’m not hoping him to be sad towards everything. Anyway, Sun’s season is totally gone, we’ll keep watching the following games about Spurs.

Congratulations for my sweet couple! 2007-05-17 20:54

It’s unbelievable! Ivy completely became a sweet and virtuous and young housewife. Today she gave me a call that her new house was being decorated these days and she wanted to be with me to go to the furniture town for devices, because she was afraid she would be cheated if alone. This was my first experience I saw she was tied up with other business except her study. Frankly I couldn’t believe and even accept we are growing up so fast to be someone’s wife and even a mother someday. She told me she was so tired and confused because she seemed not to accept this truth of being a total woman from a little girl and so did I. Even till now I haven’t considered any problems with family things we might have to face in the future like Ivy does now. And worst, I probably couldn’t face I am an adult. That scared me a little bit. However, everything I just mentioned above as if never happened on Ivy, she was still excited by everything she was involved about love, marriage, family, and even kids, although she did felt so exhausted, and kinda mad at Howard (her hubby) for his unconcern towards this stupid decoration stuff. Perhaps this is so-called sweet and happiness for a woman who would have her own family and kids. Anyway, I am way too happy for the sweet couple, and I am so looking forward to see what our family will be next. Congratulations! My best friend Ivy! You are always incredible and excellent for me and for your own following happy life.

Cleaning is always great 2007-05-16 20:24

Just now I spend the greatest time with the refrigerator. Well here is a deal, as I had a nap in the living room this afternoon, I was awaked by a terrible smell which might come from the kitchen. I hurried up to there and tried to find what was going on, but as though nothing happened. Therefore, I opened the refrigerator to grab food, because I have not had lunch for like many hours and felt little hungry. With the opening, that smelly scent strongly blew on my face, which almost made me throw up. It was sucks! I was getting angry, because I told mom thousand times that do not put any leftover and moldy seafood in it for such the long time. Undoubtedly, I would have a big cleaning party right now. It was so great; I love this sense of throwing anything away without mercy and hesitation. With the tow-hours working, all was gone but the four bottles of beer in it. It was so cleaned and empty, and I was so cool. Cleaning is really funny.

What can I do to make my love happy? 2007-05-14 18:22

Till now we have not gotten any new from Holland. I know my Leon has been awful and anxious as we thought this horrible long-time waiting. What can I do to make him feel better? Believe me; I’ve tried for my best. But still didn’t work. I can’t do anything else to make my love less sad. I felt awful either, instead, I’ve always been confessed for my disability to him. Why didn’t I do more to give him love as much as possible? Why couldn’t I be so strong and powerful and even almighty to do everything he wants like God always does? Why couldn’t’ I give him much happiness to save him from the horrible darkness instead of living in it forever? I am a terrible people who could not have done anything for him, even couldn’t bring him a little tiny sweet tear. What am I gonna do? God, please give a way to go to make us happy. Please take us away from the hopelessness and darkness. Please let us be together and never be apart for all times. My father almighty, could you hear me?

Our every day just like that happy 2007-05-14 18:21

Today I went to Xidan for shopping with my mom and aunt. They two supposed to buy maps for their trip in Rome; they finally were attracted by a clothing trade show, where it has all kinds of stuff including accouterments, shoes, etc. which was very cheap. To be honest, I really didn’t like those styles because it seemed to be much mature for me. As I was just looking around aimlessly, a bag hanging over the shelf sparkled into my eyes. It was so special. I asked the shopkeeper to show me it which was 100% handmade and fancy, and then I bought it without hesitation, because I do love it and so perfect for me.

I just got a phone call from Vany as I drove on the way home. He said he would give Emma a big surprise in that her birthday would be coming in few days. Vany gathered with so many friends to hold a small party for her. Grape could be a chef, and Vany bought a birthday cake back. Of course others were getting ready for the party. Most excitedly, no one told her what was going on and why they were doing these in advanced when she came back seeing them being so busy with making such a fancy dinner. That was so sweet. But it was shame that I could not join them right now, and they didn’t shoot any pictures for me to enjoy. So I just have to wait Emma posting her blog for me to share those happy moments later. By the way, Emma, happy birthday! May God bring you joy and health forever…

Chopin Ballade NO.3 2007-05-14 18:21

I just ended up piano practice with the magical work, Chopin Ballade No. 3, which is very difficult to play for me. So I nearly took much time on it this morning. Everyone who knows me and my interests on piano loves Chopin as much as I do all the time, because I always tell them everything I had known about him, and they usually get addicted into his musical melodies. As all known, Frédéric Chopin is the only one of the world's great composers whose music is entirely devoted to the piano. In everything Chopin wrote, I could clearly hear that elegant and powerful simplicity no matter how complex. His work could never keep to that era of darkness and cruelty and instead betrayed what that history represented, creating 169 works in his tragically short lifetime, most of which were full of moonbeams and longing, sweeping passion and revolutionary outburst.

Ballade No.3 is surely hard for me, I doubt I would spend whole time practicing and talking about it in following month, because I do love this piece, and I am always looking for my deepest soul from it, feeling how Chopin created and played it to depict his sense of return from which he thought he could never kiss and love his motherland; feeling how the dissonance as an architectural device was used; feeling how all those wonderful melodies had been created. That’s so moved and even challenged to me.

Don't let us wait for anything anymore 2007-05-14 18:19

‘It has been 2 weeks since I was required to have telephone interview’, this is what we have written in letters to Holland for thousand times. I am so ‘excited’ by those who ever promised us giving any response as soon as possible. Maybe I will never believe what the promise means from now on. So does Leon I guess. Why did those people do that to us? Don’t they know we have been waiting any reply from them whatever good or bad? Don’t they realize we have been so worried about our any result for so long time? Just now Leon wrote a letter again to ask them an answer, but still no response. We are anxious, and so eager to know something. Indeed, Europeans is well-known for their gentle and steady pace of doing things, but it doesn’t mean they could unswear what they promised us before. It’s such the terrible sense.

I just called Susan to talk about how I felt these days for waiting the stupid thing. She said she could’ve felt in the same way as us, and even worse than us. Oh dear Lord, please DO NOT let us wait for anything anymore. We are so tired. We'd be together, until die.

I supposed... 2007-05-14 18:18

It’d been 10 days since I came back from Xiamen. I was supposed to come tomorrow but things suddenly happened out of our mind, so we had to back in advanced. It was a special ‘6-day’s holiday’ for us, because someone just left us, and someone will come to this world, which happened in the same family. Although I had sensed the feeling one family member passed away before, I still feel sad. I know there is nothing I can say to comfort my families to make them feel better. Only thing I have to do is to bless and to pray. At the funeral of our grandfather, I took hold of Leon’s hands to pray for him. We were all sure he got to be so well and happy in that world, he was not gone, he just wanna make himself happier than he did in here. We are no need to worry about him. Dear God, please let all your dear sons live beneath your love and your blessing, please never let any friends and families leave us anymore. In the same family, a person was gone while a people will come. Our sister is gonna have a baby in this month. We hope this cute bub will bring us luck and happiness to let us escape this shadow of the death.

It’d been 10 days here in Beijing. I am so uncomfortable with the dry weather, and got fever score in full of mouth. Drinking much water seems not work out anymore. Everything was as if not ready enough for me. I supposed having a good rest from Longyan for National Day Holiday trip before planning to write something in Leon’s lab. I supposed drawing out much time to be with Leon to buy some cute stuff I like and bring them back to go home. I supposed to play badminton some times in holiday for those one-month-increased fats. I supposed to walk by seaside with Leon again to recall what we were at that time. I supposed to make a scheme ofhow to say goodbye to those guys whom I love and miss at all times. I supposed to make a big meal for Wangcai to support him against hungry which he will have in the following days. I supposed to give Leon a warmest hug in airport, telling him I will be right back. I supposed to be packing those heavy luggage lest Leon should be so tired when he comes...Yet, no supposing could give us a family’s life back and there are much more supposing in our life in which we would totally not wait for their coming. Everything is so soon, and so beyond from us to accept. But we have to, because it’s a real world. I supposed marriage, I supposed calling my dear family out, I supposed to have babies someday, I supposed everything would be fine, I supposed everything would not be that cruel…

Leon was just back to Xiamen for his graduation thing. Although I didn’t want him to leave anymore, I knew he will never be away from me in the near future. I miss him, I love him.

Bless from Corner 2007-04-05 20:58

I didn’t realize when I was falling love with that little tiny gift shop which was located at the corner of XM Uni and is so cozy and romantic. Sometimes when I feel tired after piano practice I always walk around the street near XM Uni and finally into that shop to enjoy every exquisite gift I love. The shopkeepers standing near the door always welcome everyone with their warmest smile. There are so kinds of beautiful things hanging up on shelves, mobile chains, key chains......That day, I went into that shop again, and bought bear-like chains. When I intended to pay for it at the check-out, a keeper asked me by accident, ‘you are not alike living here are you?" "Yape, I’m from Beijing and came here days ago for spending my last magical holiday before going abroad." I said, ‘you know, I didn’t realize how much mean to me of being here before, but now I will leave, I really don’t wanna go.’ said me with sadness. "Don’t be sad, you’re gonna back someday don’t you?’ comforted the keeper.”Maybe, I love it here, I love my home, I’m gonna miss here, and all I’d been before." Before leaving, I thanked to him for talking with me, even though it’s just for a while. As I was just walking out, I heard a voice, ‘Take care of yourself wherever you go, here is opened and welcome to you, always."

Marathon 2007, Xiamen 2007-04-02 22:00

This was the first time I've seen the Marathon Competition in person. We got up so early in the morning and rushed to the seaside to wait it starting. With a gun sound at 8, all athletes dashed out of the scratch line and gathered many groups soon. We were waiting in the Baicheng Station in which it has nearly-11-kilometres apart from Huizhan centre where the competition started with. In 40mins, we saw the first group were running over while hearing of the REC-helicopter coming from far beyond. There were two-or-three Chinese athletes dispersedly in a bond of black men who might be from Kenya or whatever I guess. Then we tried our best to scream out to them until they spurred on by us and gradually disappeared in our eyeshot, 'Rejoice! Rejoice!' I shouted again and again. Finally, our Chinese heroes, Li Zhuhong and Zhu Xiaolin, both beat fellows from Kenya to capture two gold medals at this match. We are proud of them!!!!!!!

Don't go 2007-04-02 21:58

Just heard from Susan that a friend's father passed away days ago. How'd I say but sorry? How'd I do to make him feel better? We'd been lived together for almost ten years. I could clearly flash that old building where it gave me such the wonderful memory in childhood. Now things have changed. How'd I take this horrible situation? Don't go all of you, the most important family and friends in my life. I need you, truly indeed.