Not in the mood

It's been almost a year since last time of being here.

I am fine and still looking for a job in London.

I know I shouldn't get the hope up too much when trapped in such a competitive society.

At least I can do what I expect to do.

That's all.

Leon and I have finally decided to get our business on the right track.

Hope it will bring us luck and happiness.

ps. missed home so much, don't know where to head for somehow.

Beneath God 2007-06-30

I just went to church with Shin where my best friend Zhu was joining the choir for the first day of every month. It was so great that they were singning two Hymns in total which made me feel that I was living beneath dear God. After that, we learned a lot of things following the evangelist about bible story, which was so touched to me. I love attending this kind of service, since by doing this I could be so near and close to dear God, who could get me and whom I could know what he really expected. However, it was sorta shame that this service might be my last chance being there in Xiamen. Before leaving, I came up to our pastor to tell him how much I was gonna miss this beautiful and peaceful and lovely place where everything and even everyone had ever pacified my heart. Tears finally could not be controlled. Without any word, I hugged with my dear Zhu so tight. We all knew how would be going on later. We were saying nothing, instead of keeping in our heart. Just like what the priest said, under God’s love, we would never say goodbye! Amen!

Test of lifetime 2007-06-29

My dear Leon began to be more and busier these days and so did I, because some responses from overseas universities were coming one by one. We were so excited as if the bright of hope was totally re-lighted up. Every morning we were so looking forward to hear anything from them whatever good or bad, but nothing happened. We were frustrated and even kinda no confidence anymore. And then, I was getting endlessly decadent. Doing nothing seemed to become all in my life. Even sometimes I hated watching Leon being busy with his totally hopeless works. Did it make sense to you? That was the regular question I used to ask to him. I knew I was a terrible person at that time. Even I began to scare of my perverted behavior.

Human beings are indeed dangerous and complicated animals. Maybe we were completely confused what the hell we wanted at the very start of the life. Someone chose one lifestyle wallowing in the bottom of this society while someone, instead, risked his or her life to aim at and catch up with others who have stood in the so highlevel social status. I usually tried to ask myself who was living more tired? Which group in this world was living more easily as making much less money? Even, what way to living did I have to pick to make me and even my entire family happy? Here, please be careful on the words I used’ have to’, rather than’ want to’. Why did I write this? Life is not as easy as we suppose to be. Life is much less the tool or the purpose that we do what we want to do only while giving up what we don’t want to. Life is the test we have to try endlessly until we get to know what is best for us. Life is why we have to spend our entire life to be with.

Waiting God to save me 2007-06-28

Here is my huge confession, for my God, for my Leon. Dear you! Please forgive me doing something way too evil for you. Even I had totally no idea why I did this to you! I have ever betrayed my heart and rule to make me feel better provisionally. However I felt totally bad and evil instead. This was not what I supposed to do. You know I do LOVE you even much more than I do myself. I am completely not as villainous as Pele who is a personification of wickedness and ungodliness alluded to in the Old and New Testaments. God, please wash my body and heart to help me shake off the deserved punishments. I couldn’t get through it by my own. Ever I couldn’t find who I am anymore. God, would you help me?

Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts
thereof.--Romans 6:12
For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ
our Lord.--Romans 6:23

The precious gifts and friendship 2007-06-27

I have never thought things could be happening in this way. Leon and I were way too excited when we were asked to play poker with Grape and my dear Shin.

Things were here; after having a dinner yesterday, we decided to go to lab because Leon wanted to check his mailbox and see some papers involved in certain bioprojects. We supposed to stay here until 11 o’ clock before going back to dorm to have fun with those guys, but our plan was ruined in advanced that they called us that please came back soon because there were three players looking for one more player, and we must be included. And then we allowed it to rush to the dorm. Seeing them playing cards so happy and dedicated, we knew actually there is no one needed to join them at all. They made fun with us. Suddenly I became kinda annoying. Why did they do that to us? Being too angry, we decided to go sleep to leave them alone. I slammed the door strongly and angrily, because I didn’t like being joked like they did. It was not funny at all. Slamming the door strongly and angrily, I heard someone knocked the door; soon I became way too cranky. What the hell were they doing?!!!! At this time, Chenchenzhu showed up in front of us with her mysterious smiles:’ this is for you guys from your best friends!’ she passed me a package. Opening it, there were two T-shirts on which the doodles were designed by Shin and there were friend’s name printed all round them.

Oh, my God. What a gift. I didn’t know what to say at that moment but the touching and excitement instead. How precious they have been, because they GOT to be so worthy to be kept in our heart forever. I LOVE them, I LOVE you guys way too much. Thanks such your present. They are so special for us!